"Select Team Members For Skill & Skill Potential, Not Personality. Most teams figure out the skills they will need after they are formed. The wise manager will choose people for their existing skills and their potential to improve existing skills & learn new ones." Harvard Business Review

So with a group of talented, committed people, why isn't the team working? What happens if there's a clash of personalities?

How successful would your business be if you had a technique to understand the subtleties of anyone’s language patterns so that you could literally speak another person’s language? That means avoiding arguments, misunderstandings and losing contracts. Sounds too good to be true!

In fact we are giving clues to others all the time about what motivates, annoys or gives us a sense of security. Listening to the words and tone, observing posture and facial expressions as well as asking the right questions, can reveal a person’s unconscious strategies of behaviour.

When you argue with someone and feel that the other person is missing the point, it is often because you are trying to force them to see things as you do and they are trying to do the same to you. This scenario happens much too often even though we all know it is not at all an effective strategy for building relationships.

Being familiar with the inner workings of your customers’ minds will enable you to influence decisions so you can sign more contracts, determine their buying strategy to present proposals that match their criteria and maintain loyal and profitable relationships with them for the long-term.

The interesting thing about it is that most of us are not even aware that there is an underlying strategy that triggers our reactions, emotions or dictates our choices and preferences. We simply react to situations in a manner that is directly influenced by our experiences, culture, environment or family circumstances in the same way as what we tend to notice or be oblivious to, is not something we necessarily do consciously.

Are there people with whom there is inevitably a clash of some sort whenever you see them, and you just don’t know why that is? You try logically to understand the dynamics of the situation so that you can change the course of events, but it never seems to work. That is because what is happening is below your conscious awareness. The same thing happens when a cat encounters a dog and automatically the cat’s back goes up and it hisses in the direction of the dog.

Once you become aware of your own filters and how they impact everything you do including your relationships, this knee-jerk process can be transformed into a strategic process. Imagine being able to create the perfect scenario to achieve the outcomes you desire instead of finding yourself once again in an adversarial position with someone. In essence, you will truly be able to meet someone in their map of the world. They will feel that you understand where they are coming from and this can lead to deeper and more meaningful relationships, if you so desire.

Instead of being a passive bystander, you are in control and can choose to adapt and adjust your behaviour to develop rapport with others, have more harmonious personal relationships or get your children to do their homework. Building relationships where you are in tune and on the same wave-length seems to happen naturally, so much more often. We all know how long it can take to develop and nurture relationships and how quickly misunderstandings can create discord.

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “That’s not what I meant!” – But the damage has already been done!

It reminds me of a story someone once told me about the merger between two major publishing firms. After a gaffe by one of the Chairmen who remarked to the other, “When we take you over …” to which the other responded, “You will never take us over, the merger was called off. As a result of this one error of judgment, it took almost 20 years to repair this breakdown and for the merger to finally be concluded.

Imagine trying to put together a model airplane with hundreds of small pieces without an instruction manual. Your mind is a plethora of neuro-pathways with infinite possibilities for which you were not given an owner’s manual. This explains why we are so influenced by our environment. It naturally limits our choices because we are unable to sort through all of the different options.

Conversational Decoding provides the blueprint to unlocking your potential and improving performance. It also broadens your scope for deepening relationships and influencing decisions.

The ability to have a clear knowledge of your customer’s specific requirements is the most valuable tool for your organisation’s efficiency. It enables you to propose relevant solutions, which demonstrate the value of your offer and ultimately enable more contracts to be signed.

Please contact the author, Florence Mackay for more information on upcoming workshops or for in-house training, fmackay@mindharmony.com / 0845 6654123 or visit www.mindharmony.com.